Gabara
Appeared in: Godzilla's Revenge
Powers: Bully. Light-up forehead horn. Electrical touch.
Victories: Nearly beat up Minya a couple of times.
Most humiliating moment: The only kaiju ever to lose a fight to Minya. The screen grab above displays the crushing emotional impact of this loss perfectly.
Jet Jaguar
Appeared in: Godzilla vs Megalon
Powers: Flies. Changes size. Eye lasers. Spins in a circle really well.
Victories: Nearly defeated Megalon single-handed and beat Megalon and Gigan with the help of Godzilla.
Most humiliating moment: Having a singing Kenny ride on his head. Compared to being beaten by Minya, however, he might as well be Bruce Lee.
King Seesar
Appeared in: Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla, Godzilla: Final Wars
Powers: Fluffy. Bobbletail. Laser-reflecting eyes. Can raise own ears. Managed to get a second film appearance.
Victories: Defeated MechaGodzilla with the considerable help of Godzilla.
Most humiliating moment: Just look at him. Seriously. Imagine trying to pick up babes when you have floppy puppy ears. This is the kaiju that is Friend-Zoned forever. Dieted and made a brief comeback attempt in Godzilla: Final Wars, but was still unable to get anyone to take him seriously.
Baragon
Powers: Digging. Burrowing. Generally being underground. Flame breath. Excellent jumper despite pudgy waistline. Ear control to rival King Seesar's. Three screen appearances makes him the Paul Newman of this group.
Victories: None. This is a problem. Arguably, he did help defeat King Ghidorah in Destroy All Monsters, but that was with the help of every other Toho kaiju on his side.
Most humiliating moment: Defeated by a giant Kenny wearing a ratty bath towel. Despite this loss, went on to tackle Godzilla single-handed, with expected results. Was personally stepped on by Godzilla.
Varan the Unbelievable
Appeared in: Varan the Unbelievable, Destroy All Monsters
Powers: Flying/gliding with all the aerodynamic skill of a 200 ton lizard. Being underwater.
Victories: None. On the plus side, he is the only kaiju on the list who headlined his very own movie.
Most humiliating moment: No one takes you seriously when you're a giant flying squirrel-iguana.
So there you have it, our list of the five off-off-off Broadway kaiju. Who would win this five-way battle? Who's the king of the Barney Fife monsters? Please cast your vote below!
So far in the votes, Varan is ahead. Varan? VARAN? Seriously? I cannot believe that Jet Jaguar is not dominating this poll.
ReplyDeleteAnd, naturally, Varan wins the poll, though with Jet Jaguar a very close second. Poor Gabara didn't get a single vote. Maybe I should arrange a Gabara versus Pigmon poll...
ReplyDelete