Thursday, April 21, 2011

Night of the Demons

My Rating: 4/10  

A remake of some obscure 80's movie that I vaguely remember watching, which has now apparently been raised to the level of cult classic just because it was made in the 80's  (A new rule that has been brought to us by current generations of yoofs, who mysteriously revere even the stupidest 80's films like "Goonies" and "Neverending Story".  Yes, I said it, "Goonies" was a really dumb film...). I don't remember anything about the original, and one day later, I barely remember anything about the remake.

Oh yeah, it has tentacle boobies. There was that.

The first 15 minutes were good. Everyone's going to a huge Halloween party at a haunted New Orleans house. This is a fantastic setting with great atmosphere and a house full of partying people in costumes suggests all sorts of potential fun.  BUT, while the costumes and the decorations and all were great, and for a short time you think this could turn out to be a cool new October movie, alas, no... Soon the police break the party up and leave just our small, contained, affordable cast trapped in the house and the demons get loose and then tentacle boobies.

The demon makeup was cool.
Final Girl was fun.
Nice sets.
Lots of cleavage.

Huh, wha? Did we just watch this?
Something happened. There were zombies or something.
A pack of 30 year old 20 year olds who can't climb over a freaking gate.
Final Girl and her ex are as likely a couple as Linda Carter and Pauly Shore.
Most amazing Basil Exposition ever.

Oh, and there is one other plus - Edward Furlong, the bratty John Connor kid from Terminator 2, is much abused and dies horribly. So there is that.

Hey, wasn't there like a Russian gangster or something too? WTF was that subplot doing in there, and where did it go? Also, rusty iron crowbars hurt demon zombies because, and I quote, "Iron is an ancient element like demons are ancient, and rust signifies corrosion of that ancient element, which is why rusty iron hurts them."

This would have made a great high school date/makeout movie.  For watching as an adult?  No thanks.  You won't be bored, but you're unlikely to recall much an hour later.

Suggested Accompaniment: "Blast of Butter" popcorn.  You need all the distraction you can get.